Loss. No words. No (real) laughter. No place to go from here. No one. Nothing. Pain. Heartbreak. Devastation.
I’m actually more than at a loss. I don’t know how to begin sharing with you all again. So here I am anyway, typing this post which I feel won’t be expressed as it should. My head hurts, my neck and back ache, I can’t sleep.
If you haven’t read the sad news via my Instagram – my darling, beautiful, vivacious, most stunning, blonde, blue-eyed younger sister has passed away, and at this I’m utterly in ruins. She was so incredible, fun, loving, and I feel I will never be the same after losing her! It’s been six long weeks now, and I just miss her so dreadfully, nothing seems to help.
But that’s not all…when I do catch my breath for a moment I remember that my gorgeous little Portuguese mother is still struggling with one of the worst motor neuron diseases…and that my wonderfully talented eldest son is pained daily with an extreme level of anxiety. You may have also read previously that one of my closest girlfriends is gripped by an advanced stage of bowel and liver cancer.
Just to top things off my youngest son just broke his leg, in three places! Oh, it’s just such crazy times! There is no torture worse than seeing the people you love most suffering is there? And then feeling almost powerless to help them! Of course I’m spending most of my time doing all that I can do to help, which is another reason I’m often absent here.
How’s your life going? If you’re human, and have lived long enough, I’m sure you too have your troubles to endure.
I’m so thankful also to those of you who’ve posted kind comments online, written letters, and shared beautiful words of comfort and healing. I read and re-read them all! I only wish my precious sister could’ve seen and read them too. She had a gold necklace bearing a cross, that she wore constantly, it now hangs about my neck, it won’t ever come off.
I’d like to stay and write more, maybe sharing some quotes of inspiration and light. I know “God will wipe away all tears one day, and there will be no more night, no more pain…” and I’m so thankful for that promise.
For now, just know I’m sending love to you all, and please, stay well! xxx
Ps. Although I hope to bounce back again in time, if one day you try to find me here (you know online, via social media etc) and I’m absolutely nowhere to be found, just know that I simply vanished back to ‘my enchanted life‘ with my husband and children forever!!! ♥